My story of healing from mold exposure

In the summer of 2021 I was exposed to a hefty quantity of mold. It took me until now (more than 2 years) to really understand how it affected me, it’s interrelationship with Lyme disease, and how to heal my symptoms. In the process, I’ve come to understand a lot more about my own healing from Lyme itself. I wish I had understood these things years ago, but oh well! I thought I’d share what’s worked for me, just in case it can help you in your process.

My mold experience

During Covid, I set up a Pilates studio on my back patio, with the help of my very sweet husband. Two sides were enclosed by heavy, clear plastic tarps, one side was created by my house, and another side was made of covered sheds that held tools and bikes. There was a propane heater. All in all, it was pretty cozy, had a good view, and enough ventilation to feel safe for everyone.

For a while, we wore masks in the studio, but in the summer of 2021 everyone began to relax and we took them off. Unfortunately, summer is very damp and foggy in San Francisco. By August, I was feeling terrible. It took til October for me to realize that with the dampness and the added heat, a thick mold had grown in the sheds, and a bit on the bottoms of the plastic tarps enclosing the studio. By that point, my system was really struggling. It felt like a full Lyme disease relapse.

I closed the outdoor studio, had my whole house (indoors and out) detailed for mold, and felt better – but not well. My system was still really, really hyperalert to any mold in the environment. My body didn’t even like being outdoors in the fog, and this is a big problem in foggy San Francisco! Violent symptoms, similar to when I first got Lyme (minus the crushing fatigue), would come and go, and I was wearing N95 masks a lot to keep them in check. It took me til Spring 2023 to find a solution.

The Gupta Program

By Spring of 2023, I was in trouble. I was worried that I’d have to move out of San Francisco, as many of the commercial buildings here are old, musty, and in need of repair, and it can be damp for long seasons. We’d had such a rainy year, and my body was struggling. I couldn’t seem to be OK without wearing a mask except inside my own mold-free house with windows closed, or in a brand-new building. In May, I decided to take a week in Joshua Tree by myself to relax in the desert and hopefully find a way forward. I was frankly a hot mess. My symptoms were terrifying and unrelenting. My family was worried, but did not want to move to the desert with me. I didn’t know where to turn.

Weirdly, the desert was not a cure. I still had symptoms randomly, a million miles from anything damp. I count this as a blessing – because it opened my mind. On the phone with my parents driving home, they told the story of a friend’s kid who had recovered from multiple illnesses through brain retraining. My immediate response was, “I’ve done SO MUCH brain retraining over the last six years, it can’t possibly help me”. But maybe their story was a sign? It certainly felt like the only things that helped me targeted my brain, not my body. Binders didn’t help, antifungals didn’t help, acupuncture, herbs, and diet did nothing – but ashwagandha helped. By the time I drove the eight hours home, I had decided to give a different brain-retraining program a try, one I hadn’t looked into before: the Gupta Program. I just thank the sweet goddess I made that decision.

I started the Gupta Program in May 2023, and after two weeks I didn’t need a mask in the thick, swirling fog that blankets my neighborhood all summer. After two months I didn’t need a mask inside random buildings, unless the space was really old and decrepit. By September, I wasn’t having many mold symptoms at all. The Gupta Program taught me things I wish I had learned right off the bat when I was diagnosed with Lyme. It helped me understand my nervous and immune systems, and brain-retraining itself, in a deep and different way.

Gupta brain-retraining

What is brain-retraining?

To quickly sum it up, brain-retraining programs work on the premise that a traumatic exposure such as a bacteria-laden tick bite, a horrifying mold bath, a gnarly Covid infection or another bad bug, food poisoning, or a chemical or electrical exposure, can lead to a sort of PTSD of the immune and nervous systems that persists over time. Especially if the original exposure happened during a time of increased stress, grief, or weakness, the body can feel survival is threatened and can mount an intense response that doesn’t end with the exposure.

Chronic illnesses such as Lyme disease, long Covid, fibromyalgia, irritable bowel syndrome, chemical and electrical sensitivities, anxiety, and chronic fatigue can have a component of this sort of PTSD. The symptoms vary greatly and can be absolutely disabling. Any exposure that reminds the body of the original event, including mold, chemicals, electrical fields, foods, activity that feels tiring, or even everyday stress, can trigger an extreme response that can last for days or even months. Symptoms might involve fatigue, insomnia, tachycardia, digestive upset, anxiety, panic, temperature dysregulation, vestibular issues, or pain. The (absolutely understandable) anxiety these symptoms provoke spirals into a kind of loop where the symptoms feed the anxiety and the anxiety feeds the symptoms. Brain-retraining programs address the conscious anxiety and emotional patterns in a variety of ways, which can help calm the unconscious physical symptoms calm over time.

How the Gupta Program is different

I’ve practiced other brain-retraining programs over the years (such as DNRS – Dynamic Neural Retraining Systems, and Lightning Process) and they’ve been very helpful, but not curative. The Gupta Program is different in a few key ways that made it super, super effective for me. First, the Gupta Program is extremely calming, all day, every day – not just while you’re practicing a meditation. It helps you bring your nervous system into a deep state of relaxation and to stay there. It helps create a quality of mind, or a way of being, that feels sustainable long-term.

Also and crucially, the Gupta Program integrates tools evolved from two systems – the trauma therapy practice called Somatic Experiencing, and the psychotherapy philosophy called Internal Family Systems. These tools are wee Jedi mind tricks. They’re the best therapy I’ve ever had, all alone in my home. For me, they dissolve symptoms into smoke that just floats away. I’ll describe them briefly.

Soften and Flow

The Somatic Experiencing practice used in the Gupta Program is called “Soften and Flow”. It’s a guided meditation during which, instead of pushing symptoms away, you move into them. Gently, you sink into the “sensations”, welcoming them into your awareness without judgment. You allow yourself to feel them fully, to explore them. As you practice, you say to yourself inside your mind with every exhale, “Soften and flow”. It’s just a neutral suggestion, said with curiosity rather than expectation. I gotta say. It’s a magic trick. Over time for me, symptoms morph, shift, and eventually dissipate.

Dialogue with parts

The Internal Family Systems practices are more complex. They involve discovering and dialoguing with different “parts” or voices inside yourself, some of which may be in conflict. In particular, the Gupta Program encourages dialogue with “The Worried Part”, which may be the source of the looping anxious thoughts and feelings that partner with physical symptoms. The Gupta Program teaches various techniques to help you work with these “parts”.

At first, these conversations seemed cheesy to me. It was the work of the Gupta coaches that helped me understand how deep and unconscious these voices can be, and how powerful. As it has started to get easier to dialogue with them, I’ve learned so much about myself, and the origins of my symptoms. As I listen and my inner voices feel truly heard, symptoms fade away. Gupta himself says that any symptom we experience is just a message from a deeper part of ourselves asking to be heard.

What I’ve learned about my own body with the Gupta method

What I’ve learned from the Gupta Program that I never got from Lyme doctors or any other brain-retraining program, is that fully 80% (if not more) of what I always thought were Lyme symptoms were really my own immune responses trying to protect me from various exposures that felt threatening. (This explains why meditation and visualization have always felt so compelling to me.) Foods, caffeine, hunger, exertion, stress, and god forbid mold could all trigger these responses, and they were not pretty. They literally felt life-threatening at times. I can’t even express how weird it is that they dissolve with a well-placed Jedi mind trick. It’s like turning to face a monster in a nightmare and having it turn into a snuggly house cat. It’s embarrassing and thrilling. I wish doctors knew more about these practices, I wish all of us were more educated about them. How many people could they help?

In summary

The Gupta Program is too complicated for me to sum up. If you’re interested, it’s best to explore their site in depth. (It may seem over-simplified at first, but stay with it – and pay attention to the coaches, who delve into nuance.) Suffice it to say, mold came into my life like a second wrecking ball following on the heels of Lyme disease, but actually, it was a teacher. (Can the next one be nicer?) It helped me understand the true nature of my experience with Lyme, and my own mind.

I guess healing is just slowly peeling the onion of spiritual practice, and maybe we’re never done. Maybe we just go deeper, until it’s time to leave the human form in the compost. And who knows, maybe it continues after that.

Thank you for reading! I hope my story helps you on your journey.

Shona